Just some thoughts

I have been spending a lot of time thinking and reflecting on my life! As many of you know I have always wanted to be a mom and now I am. . . only the circumstances are not exactly how I pictured them. I thought I would marry the man of my dreams (which I did), spend sometime just the 2 of us. Maybe travel or do some exciting things before we started our family (haha). I dreamed we would save and buy a house that we could grow into. I dreamed that we would do all of this before we had kids so when we DID decide that it was time for kids, I could quit my job and stay home and be a full-time mom! I quickly learned after marrying the man of my dreams that you canNOT plan and control your life/lives anymore than you can control the weather. Now as many of you also know Avery came as quite a surprise to us!! I LOVE her with everything in me. Sometimes I cry just thinking about the amazing gift that she is to Andrew and I. She has changed our lives and the journey has been amazing.
Now, because the circumstances aren't how I had planned we have had to make some adjustments. I still work FULL time at OLLY shoes. Right now is our busiest season because the kids are getting ready to go back to school. I am so tired! Wednesday I found myself crying the entire ride to work. On Tuesday I got home after Avery was already in bed and left Wednesday morning before she woke up! I don't want to miss her grow. She is doing so many fun things and learing about everything around her. . .I want to be a part of that! I spent a long time in child care and watched parents just leave their children ALL day while they went on living like they didn't even have kids. I saw these kids crawl, eat their first solid foods, say their first words, take their first steps, all before their parents because they weren't there. I want to be there! I want to watch Avery grow. . .I want her to know that I miss her everyday when I go to work. I come home and I cannot wait to spend time with Andrew and Avery, but I also am learing that when I come home I still have things to do here. Sometimes I tell Andrew that I feel like I only have enough time in the day to get ready for tomorrow! I love my family, Andrew and Avery mean the world to me. . .I just really miss them right now!
For the record there are things that I do like about wokring. . .I love when I get home and walk through the door and am greeted by the happiest girl in the world. Andrew is usually just as happy to see me because he welcomes the break of chasing Avery around the house!!
Even though life is not how I always dreamed it would be, I wouldn't change things. God has a great sense on humor. He laughs at my plans and says "Ange, I am going to give you something YOU aren't planning, but you can handle this as long as you lean on ME! It WILL stretch you, you may get tired, but I am here" I am learning to lean on God and praise him each day for the life and circumstances that HE had planned for me!